Dedication: my strength

I never realized it earlier the way i felt after talking to archana. Since my childhood it was me and my books..........and whatever else i did to grow up was just like doing sth without interest......I really don't know the reasons, but yes, I was completely into my studies........If i look back and try to understand why it was like that then I found that it was not just for the sake of marks.......I used to feel complete......it was sort of my identity.......i still remember how badly i used to search/consult so many books, if i had doubt on something, even if it was just irrelevant from exam point of view...........perhaps i loved that concentration and mind involvement which this kind of study required.......but true i was completely into it...............
and then pooja's usual advice to me: "Nidhi, study is just a part of life not heart of life"......i never realized it till i started interacting with other girls, who were good at studies and then they were interested in all other things apart from studies......and with time, studies take the lowest priority, though they are as intelligent as they always used to be...........
I'm putting extra efforts to teach myself how not to think about work on weekends.......it seems to be difficult than actual working............I keep telling myself to think something else ;)
and perhaps I'm fed up and failed at it............i love my work.........and to take myself away from it is like punishing myself...........
perhaps more than the tangible rewards, I love the thrill of working with electronics........I want to learn everything....but it is growing at such a speed that i find it hard to catch up..........moreover in our organization, self study is the only option of learning......
just to conclude this post and justify the title, archana could make out that though i spend time with them, my heart lies with my work.............and she told me that I should not change and my dedication even motivates them...............I remember it was charitha@iitk who told me the same when one day i got so frustrated with my habit of always working at lab......Being PhD student herself charitha told me that I was blessed, since she found it difficult to dedicate herself to her work the same way..............she even told me that, i should understand why He has made me like this..........there is some reason behind it...............really?
Then oh God, my dear God, please explain, main essi kyon hoon............:P