Missing those old golden days.............

Past is the most difficult part to handle in one's life. It is difficult for me not to mention about my father while discussing abt my family in general. Diwali Poojan: how my father used to make us sit together for poojan by leaving crackers...........Holi: oh, how he used to dislike it..........house hold chores: he just didn't like my mother asking us to clean the house, he felt it was more important for us to play.......and then white wash during diwali: he was so fond of every thing which my mother wanted to give away........and we all used to plan timing accordingly, so that we could get rid of them all in his absence...........and my habit of sleeping with my books, singing bhajans loudly while in bathroom: he was amazed with my peculiarities.......But he was very proud of me: I remember he was to sit outside my examination hall during my "tough" exams..............I always used to fight with him since my friends used to make fun :)
It was he who used to make all of us get up early in the morning to study and his nasty habit of switching off the fan :) which used to leave us with no choice other than getting up............
He used to ensure that our bicycles were in perfect condition and there also, he n I differed with the idea of having a basket........For me, it would make me look like an elder person like him(His cycle had one).........And see today, in my "old styled cycle", I've a large basket and I understand its importance for an elder person like me ;)
I think I've been a pampered child that way :P and that's why those eccentricities have been carried forward even today. They surprise me and those around me :P
His death anniversary is approaching and whole scene is still fresh.........How much I wished that I should have been with him during those last minutes...............
Even today I curse my nasty dedication towards my work which made me to procrastinate my visit to my home town, even though he kept asking me to come and meet him.............
and it hurts me when I see that work is just lying documented in my CR and a descriptive paper in a symposium's proceedings in somebody else's name............But, I'm thankful to whatever happened............It completely changed my perception to that kind of theoretical work...........I find that I don't have any motivation to work on something which is of no use(atleast in my lifetime), since I can not bear the burden of ignoring my personal responsibilities for pursuing (vague/abstract ideas)............

But still I want that somehow I should be able to use that work somewhere and dedicate it to my pappa................Amen!

Oh, I miss you papa...................